Fallacies.

2009-08-19T22:14:00.001+08:00

http://kemikalgirl.tumblr.com

Till then.

The Final.

2009-05-11T22:19:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving this space for good, I think. I'll be ranting somewhere else, definitely in different latitude, margin, atmosphere... You'll know if you are deserving enough.

Random, irrelevant post for the day.

2009-05-11T02:36:00.001+08:00

adel says:
*waduh
*i know hidayah goh is tired but she makes her eyes fight
she has to wake up early for school and stay till night
so after this jialat quiz, u should rest well and sleep tight
i merepek repek with you again soon k so goodnight!

Hahaha. This is creative.

Dearest,

2009-05-11T00:12:00.004+08:00

On behalf of my previous angsty post, I'm sorry, Muhammad Ashraf Bin Amir. The space is perfectly fine. Take care.

Productively.

2009-05-09T22:22:00.003+08:00

I am currently quenching my thirst with healthsome vegetable juice, which may sound gross to the non-vegetable consumers because according to sisters, it tastes much worse than other fruit juices, but I think it is verily refreshing and invigorating.

Anyways,

Completely succumb to tiredness yet pure satisfaction, today was a productive Saturday; I spent the entire scorching afternoon with mum for an advanced Mothers’ Day mini-celebration. Everyone was practically occupied; dad reached the “stamping ground” from Indonesia just a few hours ago while brother from Melbourne and was dead beat, and sisters with their work shifts. And what so productive was the 9 quality hours spent with mum; traveled to Tampines to visit her friend then to Yishun to thread my ungroomed set of eyebrows while she trimmed and hennaed her hair, then to the heartland and have the hearty Pizza Hut for dinner, checked out beds and bedspreads, tempting DSLRs (I am willing to wait patiently for July) and even more tempting makeup, and bought groceries (the perfect opportunity to quickly grab anything that is appealing and drop it into the shopping basket. Hahaha.).

On the other hand, I got myself 2 books for only 20 bucks at a book sale at Suntec on Friday (wanted to visit Adel at Adidas initially but apparently he wasn’t working) of which – The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and Allure: Confessions of a Beauty Editor, all recommended by Oprah and I am excited to read them!

My 2nd sister is reading Allure now. Teeehee.

We roamed the night.

2009-05-06T22:59:00.005+08:00

Photo by: Raudhah.

Edits: Hidayah Goh.

Models: Hidayah Goh and Syu.

More at Facebook or

http://www.flickr.com/photos/julietsimms/sets/72157617781994674/

I need a Miracle.

2009-05-06T21:56:00.008+08:00

It is too complicated to continue. Just too complex. Messed up and in helter-skelter state, I’m struggling helplessly, drowning every ounce of my strength in the once-thought aspiring May. I am on the verge of breaking my back and it seemed that I am barely holding on to these safety bars; mental brutally overloaded with assignments and provocative modules. These setbacks, whether be it coping excellently with school or whatnots, have just tested my faith, and had remorselessly crossed over the line of belief, are just too fucking much. And, never has happened in the whole entire 18 years, I am going to let “this” go and just give up, hands-down, even if it hurts tremendously.

All I need now is a long, deep sleep to Neverland and wake up, metamorphosing to a new person, with a bag of solutions at the palm of my hand. Everything would then fall perfectly in place. Wouldn’t it be a divine miracle? I wish.

We say dry summer! in colour experimenting.

2009-05-03T19:51:00.013+08:00

More at

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=76217&id=575293963&l=0683b36e4c

A conversation between two souls.

2009-05-02T15:32:00.004+08:00

"You're not worth fighting for."
"You're such a letdown."

Illiteral-y.

2009-04-29T23:30:00.004+08:00

These imperial thoughts cannot seem to be erased off in any forms of temporary brainwashing therapy, un-benefited mind-reversing campaigns or even literally scraping off with a scraper, after the infinitely attempts, an indirect miserable throw down every time these left lingering, hanging in the troubled air. The once unintentional wonder, now assumed hallucination still remains as it seems, uncertain and delusional in our pair of ebony eyes.

Though setbacks after setbacks, I have learned not to fall off from gravity.
Though I have walked this path a thousand times before, I have learned to stay on gravity.
Though eons after a casually dressed and deep in conversation, I have learned not to fall off gravity.
Though the warmth I felt has gradually loosing its ability to make me safe, I have learned to stay on gravity.

What if I were to ever lose faith in the most beautiful thing on Earth?
Though it has a thousand varied notes to move the human heart?

And when everything has fallen into place flawlessly and untouched,
And merriment starts to play its role,
Disappointment starts to take its toll, cruelly, invading and stripping the candyland off our bare hands.
Leaving me solely standing in the rain, feeling un-hearted.

“No matter how deep the cut is, never bring Grief along.”

It will remain like it has been a mirage, disappointingly.

Preview.

2009-04-29T00:38:00.005+08:00

COMING SOON.

Monday Blues.

2009-04-27T22:36:00.010+08:00

More at Facebook.

I despise every Monday's night class, that equals to Monday Blues in my book, because it will drain every part of myself, from the head to toe, and as soon as I stepped into my house, it felt like heaven, even though I have never felt in such a paradisiacal state before, but a burning desire to lift my foot out of the house instead. It has only been the 2nd week since a new semester has embarked and school has resumed as per norm and my weekdays are already hectic, what more the upcoming weeks, which I foresee piled up projects and assignments, and merciless due dates that eventually equal to eye bags and sudden localized, beyond the obvious breakouts. Tomorrow will be another day till 5 and after which I will be having Soundcard audition. Will upload the pictures from Sunday’s photoshoot with Bali as soon as I have finish processing them.

2009-04-23T23:13:00.005+08:00

Third day of school and I was already fashionably unpunctual for Fluid Particle Mechanics but gladly in time for Marketing, the elective module that I am beginning to have an interest on, since I have flunked on my Japanese. I paid Club Crawl a visit today, indeed it was an exercise for a slob like me, because I had to walk from one end to another in the ever goddamn humid weather, and clearly everyone knows that Nyp can be deceiving. It was the only time I felt like a Freshie for a day, and I'm thinking of joining another CCA, which might be either Drama Club or Soundcard, besides Photography Club. I'm having an audition next Tuesday. And I'm pretty much nervous! I can't wait for Sunday!

One of the Bestest.

2009-04-22T23:14:00.004+08:00

It was a miss for Khairun and Marhaizad to be absent. Maybe next time, perhaps? I had fun even just the two of us, though. Hehehe. *Smiles* And it was good seeing Ash just now after eons. *Double smiles* Okay I'm just exaggerating.

Mum's Birthday.

2009-04-20T00:27:00.006+08:00

Traveled to Tampines last Saturday evening to Grandma's to meet my parents there. Celebrated Mum's birthday with two-third of the family's strength. But it was all worthwhile because I had a wholesome night with them. Love the Singapore Flyer crew. Teehee. Supposingly, the 4 Singapore Flyer tickets were reserved for the bestfriend and companions but the plan did not turn out like what I have expected. And I had the fattening yet delicious Caremel Chocolate ice-cream for supper. Today, I hung out with Idris and Taufiq and they were goddamn hysterical! Tomorrow will be a fresh start of a brand new semester for everyone and I am all ecstatic because Farhan is starting school at Nyp too which means... more hang out sessions with him!

2009-04-19T17:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, it’s astonishing how you claimed to desire a companion when you don’t even commit to it. Read between the lines. You know what I meant by that.

Bon Voyage, Love.

2009-04-13T02:57:00.006+08:00

Everyone who turned up at the Airport was downcast-ed with the reality, the reality of missing a best friend/cousin/colleague/classmate. I was, too. Focused on the strong woman I have known for a decade, but really knew for a fruitful year, as she left, fading gradually from my sight. I couldn’t help but to be emotional, my tears rolled down my chubby cheeks, ruining my smudge-proof only mascara. “She will be okay,” uttered my orange/lumix partner while comforting me with a tight, sincere hug. She has left for Australia already. Everything has happened ever so quickly…

Farewell, Nurul Hamizah Halifi.

An Afternoon Birthday Celebration.

2009-04-11T03:10:00.012+08:00

A picture depicts a thousand words.

And it depends on how you're going to interpret it.

Whether be it positively or negatively.

The last episode of Live n' Loaded.

It was Bali's birthday on the 9th and he has turned 19, and Syu, Bali and I had Pizza Hut for lunch. I had flu, so it wasn't a pretty sight in a restaurant; constantly sneezing, coughing and together with never-ending phone calls and text messages. After which, we decided to have a catch-up session since it has been roughly 3 months since Syu and I have met up with Bali. He left at about 5ish. So I spent the last episode of Live n' Loaded mainly with Syu and Acul. It was fantabulous even though there was somewhat boredom in between the show. So later I am going to meet Farhan and Marsh to start on the photo album we are doing for Mizah. She is going off in a day's time. I am going to miss her a hell whole lot.

2009-04-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

The walls compressed against me;
Rejections, objections.
Time is running out.
I am screaming out loud.
Pushing away.
But it led astray.
Shivering and cold.
Where are you?
The luminous soul.
To save this crying shame.
Crushed…

Am I the one to blame?

S is for Sick.

2009-04-08T23:12:00.003+08:00

Feeble, unnourished, diseased, indifferent, pale, torpid. And the list of adjectives can go on forever. Yes, my body has been unresponsive for 2 days. Inhaling cigarette smoke from passersby and being approached by entrepreneurs didn’t help a bit. It was just plain annoying. Sashie could see how feeble and pathetic I was, having fish ball soup for dinner and as per norm, I didn’t manage to lick the bowl clean. And Neighbour too, kept persisting me to eat his oily, greasy, fattening fish and chips, I only ate the vegetables. A healthier choice. Okay, whatever. I can’t afford to be sick.

Happy 19th Birthday, Hambali Hanafiah!

Gonna do a photoshoot with you soon!

2009-04-03T02:31:00.003+08:00

Tedd is in London right now. I miss you, Tedd!

As you wish, if you wanna stay that way.

2009-04-02T22:35:00.008+08:00

Too close for comfort by McFly has successfully stuck inside my head, once again. The calefare shooting as the groupie gags for Just For Laughs at Clarke Quay with Afiqah was like a stress-releasing therapy session; endless strings of laughter. And Mizah’s farewell chalet was awesome too, even though there were some “imperfections” I wished not to publicize here. Nonetheless, it was bliss to see Farhan again and he has always been funny and Mizah's workmates, who were entertaining too. My girlfriends too, we have reunited as a whole. Photo shoot with Fakir has been cancelled today because I was too exhausted.

One small wound is already enough to break me down. What makes you think I could take such acute distress from you? Why do you have to be selfish? But honestly, I do miss the long fruitful conversations with you.

I have tried, really.

For the record.

2009-03-31T22:17:00.000+08:00

Yes, maybe you are genuinely sincere with your intentions; to know somebody from outside your box, for the record (?!); but trying to spit out beautiful, complimentary phrases (you have set sail beyond the boundary) to me is not an inch towards flattering. Though I have never truly liked nor understand your genre of music before, I could feel the connection between us in a way or another and it is because you are cool like that. Like the time we threw somewhat dimwitted, random questions towards each other, or the time I imitated how you spoke and you got irritated with that. You have successfully carved a smile on my face. I am going to see you tomorrow again, and I cannot deny that I love spending time with you, and I hope there will be no silence fitted in between the lines. I am just going with the flow and nothing else.

2009-03-30T03:03:00.001+08:00

Maybe it is the way how you approach alluring things; bold and somewhat direct. Or maybe you are just genuinely sincere with it.

SBDC Competition.

2009-03-30T02:48:00.004+08:00

2009-03-22T22:35:00.001+08:00

Teeeeheee.

Mosaic.

2009-03-22T22:00:00.006+08:00

Just a brief update. Went to Live n' Loaded on Tuesday. Went to Mosaic with Ein last Wednesday. Met up with Syu, then Acul and his bandmates there. But Tedd was not there. Bumped into Kitty. Was offered to take a photo with Acul using the new Nokia phone they were promoting. But in conclusion, Copy Machine and The Sallys were the most dominant and outstanding bands that eventful night.

2009-03-15T22:58:00.003+08:00

It is as though I have nothing in the world I could live for anymore.

I am losing my conscience day by day.

2009-03-12T23:39:00.003+08:00

Don't you feel self-centred and selfish? You ought to because you are.

2009-03-10T01:53:00.032+08:00

Sentosa.
Zu, Zat, Nana, Afam, Afiq, Hamzee, Wan and I turned up on Sunday. Leila and Malik did not manage to tag along. Had a soccer training with the kel kia while everyone was having a love affair. And peculiarly, it did not rain despite the previous consecutive chilly, rainy days.

Fakir's performance at Esplanade. My Bloody Valentine & Keppel Bay.

My Bloody Valentine was gory but Keppel Bay was indeed fun despite the rainstorm. Farhan, Mizah and I had Subway sandwiches for supper. The laughter were hysterical and the stories were historical that night. We created special nicknames for ourselves too. Haha.

Catch up session with Salley.
Had a catch up session with Abdus Salam Bin Sulaimi on Wednesday. He bought a polo t-shirt and an authentic leather bag at Topman and two basic t-shirts at Zara that summed up almost 200 bucks. Thanks to (Pakcik) Nadhir who works at Topshop/Topman and gave him and I staff discount vouchers. Teehee. There was Moksin too but Syu and I did not manage to have a minute conversation with him because he left shortly after. We only managed to waved hello and goodbye, though.

Random, irrelevant post for the day.

2009-03-09T23:52:00.001+08:00

im dangerously in love with Q from cerite bara. hahaha im not joking ok! says:
*jyeah
*y u like him
*ok i tell him to cerrai
*u marry me uh so we can be sick together
*hahhaha
*mendak siol

Hidayah Goh says:
*HAHAHAHAHA!

Hasbi, Hasbi. :D

Angered and disturbed.

2009-03-09T00:44:00.002+08:00

Friends may say I have made multitudinously bad decisions, which I am blind to reject the conspicuous opportunities and live happily ever after; to feel difficult for needless reasons no more, to not experience an another heart-wrenching episode, to not starve and get myself awake the whole dreadful night and edit pictures just to keep me occupied. They even tried to open up my “newborn baby” vision and bribed how beneficial the opportunities are if I were to put aside all the deep emotions and accept it with open arms. I do admit that I have made mistakes, too, that I did not appreciate the presence of Y and the things he did to carve a smile on my face. I have forgotten what went wrong and you have tried to contacted me once again but I did not care because you have metamorphose into a disgraceful homo sapien and I got to know recently that you are getting married (?!) and you are just 19. It is unnecessary to elaborate the reasons for the fast marriage. It may sound beyond absurd but it seemed that it is habitual for me to accept the ugly that is actually, avoidable that could save me from beautiful letdowns. And every time it had hurt me emotionally, I have learnt and continue to be a better person. That is why I am living life now.

Random.

2009-03-03T17:15:00.002+08:00

Fakir, Syu and I were talking about the journey to Mediacorp. We were confused why Fakir is leaving at 6 while he has to be there by 630 for Live N Loaded.

Kay Ronalds. says:
*im leaving in toa payoh

:: */§ýûhåÐàh__. says:
*RLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Kay Ronalds. says:
*tahts why

:: */§ýûhåÐàh__. says:
*hahahahaha.
*how come.

Hidayah Goh says:
*zzzz.

Kay Ronalds. says:
*haha

:: */§ýûhåÐàh__. says:
*i thought you live like beside me sia.

Hidayah Goh says:
*zzzzz.

Kay Ronalds. says:
*hidayah!!! zzz tu tk perlu!

Because he has moved to Toa Payoh and did not tell us. Hahaha!

Scrambled up.

2009-03-02T00:04:00.009+08:00

More Live N Loaded pictures at Facebook.

It has been a hectic week saturated with joy and laughter yet a tint of tensed up moments and realization. My classmates and I celebrated Wei Shan, Chee Siong and Jia Min's 19th birthday after our last paper at North Point's Arcade! Hahaha! on Tuesday then was Live N Loaded in the evening with the Nypians and Mizah and it was undeniably fun, and I have found an eyecandy but for momentarily. Utt was not tall at all like I thought he was. Bumped into Kitty in the feeder bus on the way to Woodlands Interchange and it was too coincidental as both of us were heading to Mediacorp. Had supper and a talk with Wan at a coffeeshop somewhere around Sembawang near the place, where Heartfelt Signature, Kitty and I used to jam, after that before we headed home. I had a terrible flu on Wednesday and Thursday was Bottle Tree Park with Mizah and Farhan on the afternoon, then to my sister’s 25th birthday celebration at East Coat Park in the evening and had supper with my parents at Johore Bahru at midnight. Fat kid cravings! I did spring cleaning on the afternoon then took the flyer with Wan and Mizah on the Friday evening. Saturday was my brother’s Engagement Day and I was glad it went smoothly despite having the “black sheep” in the family who deliberately went missing in action after the "heated argument" the night before. Thanks Ariff, Khairi, Zu, Syu, Mizah, Fathin, Wan, Nadirah and Tedd for turning up and helping out. Loves.

Today, I gobbled up pizza, cheese fries, coke, nasi briyani and some snacks. Fat kid cravings you know! You will see a change in Hidayah soon after. That is, me getting even fatter and chubbier. Mumbles.

Tercipta Untukku - Ungu.

2009-02-23T00:29:00.009+08:00

I was plagued a with misfortune on Friday. I woke up at 850 in the morning, just 10 minutes before my Chemical Engineering Principles paper had started. Reached the examination room 40 minutes late despite having mum to speed up at the highway. I did not manage to complete every single question although it was manageable, and it was definitely one of the biggest letdown I have ever faced. It was beyond disappointing and my chance of getting at least a B had burnt off.

Nonetheless, I was glad to meet Tedd on Saturday, even though for a while, I had managed to give him a big hug and a white rubber-like band which was initially worn on my right wrist is now on his. Met Acul about 1ish and headed off to Somerset to see Paddlepop's performance, which got delayed as an unexpected heavy downpour hit the ever-crowded, metropolitan city without mercy. Met Wan and Rafie at City Hall at 5ish to study then Mizah at 7ish at Singapore Flyer, to have dinner along with Farhan then to Haji Lane at about 9ish, to sheesha, yet again(?!), with Luqman and his friends, and I think Mizah and I are going to end our lives really soon, hence, we have to stop going to Haji Lane often and I have sidetracked. Had a catch-up session with him since the last time we have seen each other was during New Year’s? And I don’t mind spending time with Mizah every single day and capture every golden moments that have yet to come till the April showers before she leaves Singapore.

Next week will be a hectic week. I will be having my Inorganic and Physical Chemistry paper, will be going to Live and Loaded with Mizah, Wan and Najeep, maybe Sungei Road with Syu, maybe taking flyer with Mizah and Bottle Tree Park along with Farhan, Fashionshoot for Tedd’s school magazine project, sister’s 25th birthday celebration(would attend if she deserves my presence), my brother’s engagement and Nypians’ outing. I am not exceedingly hopeful with all of the plans, though.

I won't let myself down, again.

2009-02-18T00:29:00.003+08:00

Company from a cup of 3-in-1 coffee, a bar of chocolate, the stroke of midnight and playbacks from my laptop and I am ready to burn the midnight oil.

Splendid Saturday!

2009-02-16T22:59:00.007+08:00

More pictures at

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1406397&l=36c51&id=575293963

I shall post a short update on my splendid Saturday. My day started out by snapping pictures of random couples at City Hall with Falalalalah though the weather was humid and had weaken our willpower to continue. After which we had a short meet up with Eriana and Faizal since they were around Dhoby Ghaut. Then to Singapore Flyer to fetch Mizah from her work and Falalalalah and I departed from there. Mizah and I headed off to Haji Lane to meet up with the rest for Sheesha. Bumped into Fakir, Sharifah, Adib and some others. Had our supper at Zamzam’s and lastly met up with Izzat about 11ish. He surprised me with a box filled with chocolates and hearts. I guess he has intentions of making me fat. Haha. It was unexpected but thanks anyway, Izzat, even though I had foiled the initial movie plan. I am soooo looking-forward to holidays. Going to meet up with Tedd and a bunch of Nypians sometime soon. I goddamn miss him/them.

Love is in the air.

2009-02-16T22:31:00.006+08:00

Love is in the air.

2009-02-14T00:53:00.001+08:00

It is weird how content could evolve into envy ever so quickly...

Film Series.

2009-02-10T02:03:00.005+08:00

More pictures at

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=60677&l=25a66&id=575293963

Mizah's mini birthday celebration.

2009-02-08T23:04:00.031+08:00

Honestly, my laptop is overloaded with tons of pictures and I would love to organize them neatly into files and delete those unecessary ones but I cannot seem to put them into place because I am pretty much occupied for now. I had Materials Science common test last Thursday and it was a letdown because I had studied my ass off on a topic under corrosion but ended up not doing it because I could literally sliced my throat off attempting and figuring out how to answer them. Same goes for the mcq(s).

Anyways, we planned a mini surprise belated birthday celebration for Mizah on Friday. I bought a chocolate gateau cake on my way to meet Ariff, Khairi and Syu at Esplanade around 7ish while Zu fetched Mizah from work. Ariff and Khairi were so fucking irritating. How can they smoke cigarettes without having a fucking lighter in their pockets? Nevertheless, the plan was a success despite the guys’ carelessness and me being fashionably late. And I cannot deny that I do miss those two irritants because it has been a while since we met. We went to take a free ride on Singapore Flyer around 9ish, yet again. Huahuahua. And I might take another ride with Tedd soon. Hehe.

I have a gazillion more pictures to upload; Interschool Bboy Competition at SMU and my cousin’s wedding. Well, soon perhaps?

Everything happens for a reason.

2009-02-05T00:01:00.007+08:00

God has finally showed me what karma truly means.

I'll continue to live and learn.
Speaking of which, I have came across a poem that instantly caught my attention.

Do spare a minute or two and read it. It is meaningful. :)

Sometimes people come into your life

and you know right away that they were meant to be there,

they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson

or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be;

your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover

or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them,

you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you

and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair,

but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles

you would never have realized your potential, strength, will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity

all occur to test the limits of the soul.

Without these small tests,

if they be events, illnesses or relationships,

life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience,

they are the ones who create who you are.

Even the bad experience can be learned from...

Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart...

forgive them,

for they have helped you learn about trust

and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you,

love them back unconditionally,

not only because they love you,

but because they are teaching you to love

and opening your heart and eyes to things

you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment

and take from it everything that you possibly can,

for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before,

and actually listen,

let yourself fall in love,

break free and set your sights high.

You can make of your life anything you wish.

Create your own life and then go out and live it.

By, Author Unknown.

Dearest Mizah,

2009-02-03T00:42:00.004+08:00

This entire post is dedicated to my dearest Nurul Hamizah Halifi, who is one of my bestgirlfriends I have ever had. I have had a wholesome year with you, sharing the merriment and unrestrained unfeminine guffaws, as well as the inevitable sorrowful intervals. It hurts me to witness you muffling in sadness whenever he vented his beyond controllable agitations at you but you have grown to a confident and strong woman, and all of the “sufferings” has finally vanished, and I am glad to see a genuine smile carved on your face. I hoped to capture every single moment I have with you now, even those unflattering ones, and compile everything up in a scrapbook before you leave to Australia to further your studies. I am going to miss you a hell lot.

Happy 18th birthday Mizah! ♥

2009-02-01T03:43:00.010+08:00

Mizah and the photographer demanded him to smile with teeth and open his eyes wide.

I had not had adequate hours of sleep for the past 2 goddamn weeks already, and I am desperate for my bed. My mood swings are surprising ghastly and I have been venting my unspecified agitations to anyone who happened to randomly revolves around me. Y had pretty much spiced my mood swings up, all thanks to the conversation I had with him yesterday, causing my blood to reach its maximum temperature. There was an abrupt climax, but I could not care less but to click ‘x’. He replied to the conversation, causing a new clean conversation window to begin and that led to confusion. I did not have the slightest idea that he would still be alive, but apparently he did. Amazing.

Anyways, I went to a talk on NTU with my mum today and I am very much interested in majoring Art, Media & Design. Once bitten twice shy. I do not want to throw the golden opportunity I have like I did last year. I met up with Mizah after that and headed to Changi Airport to celebrate Arif’s pre-birthday celebration at Earle Swenson’s. “Was hit by a pan,” Doing weird hand actions. The inside joke for the day. Hahaha! And we laughed hysterically that I could not help it but to shed a tear. It was too hilarious! The foods were massive and everyone got bloated after tucking in. I think I laughed too much just now, and there must be something wrong here and I foresee melancholy.

“GLW.”

2009-01-31T02:53:00.002+08:00

I'm on the phone with Tedd right now. And our conversation is hilarious; bearded dragons, "Ketahuan" by Matta Band (Tedd really loves that Indonesian girl who starred in the music video). And he's singing "Andai Ku Tahu" by Ungu now. Hahahaha. I miss him. ♥

2009-01-28T20:57:00.003+08:00

Details in the Fabric.

Chinese New Year.

2009-01-28T20:24:00.013+08:00

I have been ignoring this space for over a week and it is because I am a busy woman at the moment. I would like to give a ‘special appreciation’ to Nanyang Polytechnic for planning my schedule, which is conquered with assignments/tests/projects, and it came to an extreme whereby I was on the verge of breaking down. Nonetheless, I had a fantabulous time on Chinese New Year. Despite the incomplete strength, my mum, brother, second sister and I had 6 bonding hours together. We had a lunch buffet at Orchid Country Club and a bowling session. But it would be merrier if my first sister, my brother’s future fiancée and my dad, who is in Indonesia, now, were to turn up on that day. After which I met up with Mizah, Syu and Wan for a free ride at the Singapore Flyer. The feeling was magnificent as we got the whole capsule to ourselves. Hehe.

And I was elated when I met my orange partner the following day for a short catch-up session. The yearly routine of exhanging oranges is still going strong. *Smiles*

Rewinding back 11 years ago, where I remembered visiting my late Ah Kong vividly, a benevolent and humble grandfather who I have ever had. His warm, genuine, gentle smile on his creased, aged face had never seemed to be forgotten for he was special. Reminisced the last time time where I saw him laid peacefully in the coffin with his eyes closed and his hands placed together on his stomach. It was a melancholy moment but I was too young back then, I did not feel the loss of my loved one.

I guess I sidetracked too much aren't I?

2009-01-19T21:27:00.005+08:00

Mizah and I are practicing this motto.

You gotta said it like that.
"Takin' slow and go with da flow"
I missed her by the way.

Dearest Y,

2009-01-18T02:46:00.009+08:00

I guess it is very fun for you to behave in such a disgraceful manner. Go ahead and sweet talk a thrillion more potential, innocent, gullible Friendster victims and brag to your friends, the absolute wasted gays who plucked out their eyebrows just like you do too. Filling them in must be fucking thrilling and exciting for you! Bravo! Fucker.

Odiocrib.

2009-01-18T01:42:00.011+08:00

Odiocrib Gig.

Photo by Hidayah Goh.

Reconciliation.

2009-01-11T15:33:00.010+08:00

With a tint of realization, it is crystal clear that everyone in Singapore is connected. It is a good thing, somehow, even though it has always been a bad thing, the fact that I have thoughts of migrating to somewhere far. That is why I loved Friday and Saturday. It was undoubtedly, undeniably, indisputably, gladly, positively fun.

These are some pictures. There are no pictures of me because I snapped them. The two days of reconciliation made me a happy-gadget girl. Briefly, I reconciled with Leila and Hasif after eons at Nyp's open house. I was so elated the minute I saw Leila, screamed her name and hugged her tightly. As for Hasif, I accompanied him for a smoke break and chatted about a lot of things we have missed out. Saturday, I finally met up with Fathin at Sp's open house. It came to a point whereby Syu, Fathin and I wanted to transfer school due to some reasons. Hehe. A was there too, unexpectedly. He was so goddamn cute! And so he thought I was already 18, a good ol' classic cheap thrill and Wanov could see that I was happy the very instant I saw him. Not bad for a "no eyes". Hahaha! We left Sp about 7ish and headed on to slack at town. Had a good chat with the guys and girls and it seemed that Fariez knew Y too, an ugly truth to accept. And it happened that one of the guys was Firdaus! I was genuinely clueless that it was him all along until he told me I looked familiar and claimed that I was his primary school mate. Smiles.

Stayed in today because nobody is home and there will be some peace, finally.
Thank God.

A Big Joke.

2009-01-10T02:33:00.006+08:00

Looks can be pretty judgemental.

But the fact that you lied and not knowing the ropes of concealment, I felt pity for you.

So pityful, you had to lie and make a joke out of yourself just to get attention.

Just so you know, apparently your name starts with the letter Y, you're living in an unlikely fairytale.

4th January.

2009-01-06T19:26:00.004+08:00

On Sunday, the girlfriends and Zu surprised Hamzee with a birthday cake at Henderson Waves.

The plan was a failure at first but was a success in the end.

Happy 18th birthday Hamzeeee!

Take care of Zu.

Hehehe.

A shoot I promised to do for Zu.

Okay back to my assignments.

Busy busy busy!

2009-01-05T18:08:00.006+08:00

New Year's countdown isn't enough.

Yesterday is finally enough.

♥

2009.

2009-01-01T23:01:00.027+08:00

Photo by Khairi. AYB and RC.

"We've known each other for already 2 years" and counting...House of cards.

Click below to view the rest at my Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=52947&l=ef9e6&id=575293963

I never thought this year’s countdown would turn out this way, fun yet with a tint of terrible, inevitably. Dragged myself up to school in the morning, realizing that my head was heavier than normal. I did not get sufficient rest the day before. Took a nap in the library while waiting for Luqman to end his lesson and accompanied him to Causeway Point because apparently he stays at Bedok. I went home and got changed for countdown. Everyone got tangled up with the plan so we met at Sentosa after much contemplation. Stayed for about an hour but splitted with the icings eventually because everyone had their own destination in mind. “Tp tp” (Tak penting. Inside joke. Haha.) Decided to slack at Clarke Quay with Tedd. It was hard contacting people because the reception sucked there. I can literally pull my extensions out dialing digits. Ariff Paki etceteras joined Syu, Luqman, Bali, Mizi and I after that. Met up with Audre about 4ish because he was around Clarke Quay too. He kept labelling "Chinese" to me. Felt like pulling his teeth out. Hahaha! By then, I had my mood swings due to the overpowering frustration/exhaustion/affliction. But it wasn’t for Ariff and Tedd who were somewhat caring that made me feel better. It was very nice of them. Ariff, Syu and I dozed off in the train while we were on the way home. That’s about it.

(I’m sick of the same old pick-up line you commented X1000 to everyone.)

Through Thick & Thin.

2008-12-29T16:30:00.003+08:00

Trapped solely alone
with a 1000 images.
The fist of struggle, pain and anger,
punched the virgin mirrors,
that were once a blockade and a facade.
As crimson regret smeared,
the satisfaction arose,
I smell near freedom.
A figure, a soul,
that was binded by the light,
guided me over the broken fragments
to the bed of enchanting ornaments.
Then washed away by the purest of rain,
the reveries.
Flooded the main,
the anguish.
Boat,
my saviour, my shelter
to the foreign land,
where I have yet to explore,
with now, the pride I stand.

Finally,
Through.

Yours Truly.

2008-12-29T02:27:00.003+08:00

The drawing above is sooo random.

But I found it cute. HAHAHA.

My laptop crashed without warning.

My files/pictures/music/whatnots are all gone.
I despise Acer to the max.

"Goodnight goodnight"

2008-12-27T00:22:00.003+08:00

Did not eat except a Mango Pudding last Wednesday. I'm feeling uneasy, still, for whatever reasons only a couple of friends knew. Because I can't let go the ego. And I'll see you very soon and get some green tea and sour mentos and let's hang out.

2008-12-24T02:58:00.009+08:00

It seems like my blog is becoming staler than ever. Hence, a wordy entry of Saturday to Tuesday updates will be served. Here goes. Shopping with Syu at Club Marc (irresistible mark downs!) and got myself a pair of high-waisted, office-looking charcoal shorts and a wallet, then paid a visit to an ever-dull, uninteresting flea market at Sculpture Square on Saturday. Proceeded to Starbucks and hung out with Luqman, Bali and Nash, the bunch of intellectual people. Spent my Monday with Syu, Fathin and Sharina. Got my tote for 2 bucks. Contented and worth it. Hung out at Vivo and to Bugis Street to get pumps for Syu, because apparently 2 of her pumps were stolen. Met Nat and slacked at Macafe before heading home. Sunday was wedding.

Yes, I have been doing a couple of catch-up sessions lately but I have been missing out too. It has been a while since I have talked to Tedd and it is clearly not surprising or astonishing why I missed him and those times we used to go to school and back home together on Mondays, Tuesdays, and sometimes, Wednesdays. All to our coincidental timetable. But no worries though since the routine will resume on 5th onwards.

And last came Tuesday, yet another weekday to get done and over with. As you all know that I watched Twilight with Audre. It was neither exciting nor dreadful. But indubitably not a regretful one unlike some previous-es. Hahaha!

Oh rain, I love your unforetasted presence.
Oh Lord, please don’t seize away the calamity tonight.

Overdue try outs.

2008-12-24T02:09:00.004+08:00

Just a try out.

These photographs were taken a while back.

But apparently, I was to fucken lazy to edit and upload them fast.

2008-12-23T01:59:00.002+08:00

Not gonna do proper updates for the moment.

Gonna watch Twilight with Audre later.

Considering of doing dreadlocks from Iskandar Chester!

HAHA.

2008-12-21T20:50:00.000+08:00

A MAJOR TURN OFF.
UTTERLY FREAKED OUT.

But we'll see...

100x Strut & Sheesha.

2008-12-14T23:52:00.014+08:00

Riyan's 400 bucks earings.

We're totally hooked to sour cherry soda.

Zu looked drunk!

Hell a lot of pictures.

More at my Facebook. Here's the link.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=49817&id=575293963&ref=mf

Finally, the brain-cracking, head-twisting, hair-pulling, eyes-straining… horror ended last Thursday, which marked the start of my 2 weeks holiday! And so I intended to tuck in to dreamland on Friday because I’ve been burning the midnight oil lately, hence, needed the remedy fucking badly called sleep. But it happened that it was Adam’s birthday and I bet nobody in this world is cruel enough to let a friend celebrates his special day solely alone right? So I hung out with him and did a small shoot. Afterwards, I met the secondary school guys, the reason was to see Ariff and Khairi and nobody else, for a sheesha session and bumped into Fakir and Hasif. Saturday was 100x Strut and yet another sheesha session, this time round with Mizah, Syu and Zu. We hung out with these awesome guys and talked about cameras with one of them, Hilman.

Sometimes it’s funny how reality works out.

Okay, I’m finally done. Goodnight.

*scape annual visual feast.

2008-12-12T02:44:00.006+08:00

I was blogshopping when Azri's friend, Riyan, wanted me to be his model for *scape’s annual visual feast this Saturday at Heeren. I'm feeling excited! Teehee. The show starts at about 6 in the evening. Do come down & support!

Here's the link to the event.

http://www.scape.com.sg/100/event/index.html

I'll be wearing either this,

or this. Happy 23th birthday Adam!

2008-12-10T22:41:00.002+08:00

What? Wentworth Miller's gay? :(

2008-12-03T00:03:00.013+08:00

Syuhadah, you are the solely one who has the chemistry to connect the correspondence of my sudden reactions/thoughts/mood/studies etceteras. I have known you for 5 years to be exact & not a single second have I regretted being friends with you. There has never been a barrier to interrupt our non-stop rants and chatters every innumerable time. You have never turned down on my constant cries every time sorrow engulfs the home. We have never failed to update on the eyecandies in school. I’m thankful that a dispute has never occurred between us, only slight debates inevitably. The words abbreviations and shortcuts we have created that nobody else could decode. Lastly, you never fail to be an optimist and gave me faith when I got carried away to the astray.

Happy 17th birthday, Syu! ♥

2008-11-30T01:10:00.006+08:00

What an utterly fucked up night.
For once, I felt there's nothing in the world I could live for.
Nonetheless, I sincerely expressed my gratitude for the ones who backed me up.

Mizah, for making me laugh hysterically today.
Wan & Abu, for sending me home.
Zu & Adam, for comforting me.

'They' just weren't there for me.

Wednesdays loathe Hidayah.

2008-11-28T21:22:00.008+08:00

Picture's flaw.I have a bloodshot left eye, where the contrast is boldly visible, due to my contact lens infection last Wednesday. What made it worse was that I did not take it out immediately it began to sore. I went to Acer with Tedd to get his lappy fixed and bought two cropped trousers worth 8 bucks each in blue and black at Song & Song. Evening dawned, and it turned deep, wine red. I discarded my lens and walked partially blind. We bumped into Kitty and accompanied her to the library. On the following day, I had lunch with my classmates at Town and browsed through Isetan’s Topshop/Topman, I’m much in love with a blue high-waisted skinny! I was supposed to watch Quantum of Solace with Zu after school but my eye placed me in a discomfort state. I didn't attend to a private sale (since Ralph gave me 3 tickets) at Clarke Quay today since Kitty had to work, Tedd had plans and my left eye still, inferno-looking. I might do semestral project with classmates/sheesha, St. James with Ikhwan and catch a movie with Zu tomorrow. Overlaying of plans though but still, contemplating.

I did hair extensions. Goodnight.

A flair for the dramatic.

2008-11-22T22:38:00.004+08:00

Mood: Annoyed.

I’m getting naked, striped down to the bone. I detest being alone in total darkness, that is, not even at least, the presence of a tinted shadow or a streak of light. I’m not asking for much. Sometimes, I feel that I never had anyone by my side, literally, not even the Goh’s. At this point of time, the household is pretty much fucked up by indifferent impressions of one another. Although I’m already immune to these goddamn onsets of negativity and positivity, I still find it sometimes, hard to adapt. Basically, my dad is at Jakarta and will be fetching him next Monday while the others are fucking busy working till they forgot to breathe. I’m still contemplating on whether to party at Saint James next Tuesday night. I know it’s a school night but I desperately needed a time out.

And I’m annoyed with friends whom constantly ditch at the very last fucking minute and never had time just for a fucking lunch.

On a lighter note, I want to catch Quantum of Solace.

Bon voyage Mr. Pineapple.

2008-11-20T22:56:00.009+08:00

Childish, yet again. You're hinting an agenda, Pityful. Bon voyage Mr. Pineapple. Even though I would like you to stay, uhmm, not anymore.

Something I wrote yestermidnight:

Who can I rely on at the end of an episode? Is it the one who bury the joy in too deep, who breached the leap of faith and celebrates melancholy and grief? Why can’t I feel the connection on the soft ground, even if the world shuts down and began to flood with fresh, crimson blood? And when the emotions are locked in confinement and senses began to lose the ability to feel. Nobody, just the inner, feeble soul to rely on. Nobody, even if it’s deeply ripped apart by silent screams and nothing, except the key of happiness could mend the wrenched heart.

(Currently addicted to online quizzes!)

Jinxed, somehow.

2008-11-19T21:52:00.007+08:00

My third day of the week had been plagued with misfortunes. Firstly, my Projectshop’s turquoise flip flops suddenly snapped off at the middle of the pathway to school. I had to walk bare-footed – embarrassed and self-conscious, mortified and frustrated. I decided to scotch taped it and bear the discomfort. And I received stares from strangers who might think I’m either having an injury on my leg or born limp. Nevertheless, I had to thank Sakinah and Sheila for being there. Secondly, my earpiece allegedly went missing even after digging deeply uncountable times into my tote. Thirdly, I accidentally took a fucken train that terminated at Yishun. I was squeezed breathlessly like a tuna in a can in the next train. Lastly, I was in the same bus home as the fucken regulars whom, as usual, trying hard to be noticed.

Solar panel sliding window is indeed “creative and innovative”. However does solar panel sliding window works.

I'm a Sunday person.

2008-11-17T23:04:00.005+08:00

Bestfriends. Friendship bands. (inside joke)I had a simple yet intimate Sheesha session at Nabin’s with 2 of my dearests yesternight. The aura was almost perfect for the 3 of us to catch up on things and there was neither an inch of segregation towards our juicy conversations till we departed. That shows how much we've been missing out a lot. I had a keen appetite that night where Zu and Mizah claimed I portrayed a voracious tigress, ready to pounce its prey on the short, stubby coffee table. Don’t worry. The cravings came only once a month. Haha. The initial plan was to Sheesha in a big group but friends ended up ditching it. But it was alright though and I don’t regret a single bit.

I went home and took a shower. I tuned into Ellen DeGeneres’ show and probably have been half awake then, where I had a dying thought that there’s going to be an interview with Shia LaBeouf on that night. That's the particular reason why I tuned in till the end. Pfft. I realized that I was fooled by my lethargic brain when Kid Rock started to close the talk show with a classic, summer song. So I reached and hit on my Materials Science notes (which I assumed there’s going to be a test today but it turned out to be next week, rolls eyes) and dozed off.

Just for the record, I didn't fall asleep during lectures and tutorials today despite having lack of sleep yesternight. I even decorated my notes (rarely done) despite having unbearable cramps. And I simply love writing up a business letter for today's Communication Skills. My classmates could see that I was ecstatic. I know it sounds rather peculiar of one but it's been a long time since I've had an English assignment!

I have IPC, Engineering Math and Japanese tests to prepare this week. Goodnight!

2008-11-15T16:52:00.002+08:00

I splurged on Forever 21's charcoal pullover, Topshop's ruby leggings, red heels and a beidge tee this week. And I'm eyeing on a leapord-motive dress. There's definitely room for more even though my wardrobe is falling apart! I'm gadget-happy already. Sheesha tomorrow and Sentosa next weekend. But on the heavier note, I have 4 upcoming tests next week. Sigh.

Freaks.

2008-11-13T00:45:00.005+08:00

I was uberly nervous during the audition. I screwed it up. Period.

It was a relieved sight; there were no signs of the 2 freaks, whom usually waited for me to show up at the habitual bus stop every morning and secretly got my email from wherever. I was supposed to go to school with Sallay but he got caught up at the very last minute. So as I was walking to the bus stop, I can’t help but squinting my eyes. I’ve detected a familiar face within 2 meters apart. Exchanged stares and consumed with plain uncertainty. And it turned out my instinct was right. It was Asyraf. It has been a millennium since I neither bumped nor talked to him. Without any proper acknowledgement, he burst out in curiosity,”Eh Nyp ada ramai perempuan lawa tak?” Haha. On my way home, I was being stalked by a freak. He tailgated, and then asked for my digits, etceteras. And due to his persistent pestering that I bet nobody could tolerate, I eventually gave him all the false details. Gullible, certified freak.

Blogshop's opening.

2008-11-11T21:49:00.021+08:00

Hello lovelies, since I need more space for new clothes in my wardrobe, I've just created a blogshop with Syu & Shahidah. Do support and check out our Opening Collection!

We ♥ Casual Fitters.

Orion audition.

2008-11-10T20:05:00.002+08:00

I received a text message from Orion today and my audition will be on this coming Wednesday at 5pm. It is really nerve-wrecking to get over and done with since auditions can be pretty judgmental. And I don’t know whether I’m capable of getting through this, the fact that I’m sick as a dog. Oh Lord, I hope I’ll be better for tomorrow.

I’M NERVOUS!

The only thing I need now is a tissue box.

2008-11-08T21:45:00.002+08:00

My throat felt like as though I’d devoured on dry, coarse sand. Forced myself up to the showers and got dressed for a cousin’s wedding. I had to accompany mum since everyone had gone out; be it on outstation or busy working; and I wouldn’t want her to attend the occasion solely alone. I was sneezing and coughing throughout in the car. I didn’t talk much there, just carved a weak smile. The makeup I put on hid my pale, torpid face. Mum headed off to work after sending me home and I immediately swallowed down pills, switched off my cell phone and tucked into my parent's king-sized water bed. There is so much to be done and yet, I’m too feeble to accomplish them. I felt hopeless.

Surprises for the birthday boy.

2008-11-07T00:54:00.021+08:00

Kitty & Rei. Last Tuesday, I met up with Wan Faris after school to get Tedd’s birthday cake. We surprised him with a birthday song and a chocolate truffle cake at Vivo. He was full of astonishment, together with a priceless facial expression, as through unexpectedness. There were a few more line ups of surprises along the way, where some of his friends claimed that they had to ditch the occasion and later surprised him with their un-foretasted presence. Kitty was there too and I’d missed her because it had been a while since we had an outing. I was touched when she showed me an overdue picture of us both in her cell phone, where Rei found it exotic. Huahua. At the end of the day, Kitty & I bestowed him with our disproportional yet sincere sketches of him; from his long to short hairstyles. We even signed our names next to our “masterpieces”. Haha.

Bubble tea partner! Have a good weekend!

Pearl Jam.

2008-11-04T00:01:00.007+08:00

When we were younger. This post is solely dedicated to my bubble tea partner, Abu Yazid Bustami! After an acquaintance of many months, the whole new degree of friendship revealed our similarities and differences. We have shared our joys and laughters, and comforted each other’s agony and brooding moments from the people who had once stepped into our lives and left with a scar. Even as a simple degree of acquaintance, you have made me smile on Funeral for a Friend’s gig last two Septembers where you willingly bought their souvenir t-shirt just for me because you knew that I was a die-hard fan of them. It is as though I’ve dropped a quarter into the slim slot of a toy machine, praying hard to get my desired plush. It will then randomly pick and dropped the plush off and there you go, whether you liked it or not, it’s yours. Sometimes it did not turn out what you wanted. But as for me, it turned out well, that is, knowing you.

Happy 18th birthday, Tedd! ♥
Hehe.

Halloween night.

2008-11-02T02:32:00.012+08:00

Click to view more pictures.
http://flickr.com/photos/hidayahg/sets/72157608565289124/

Scrolling down the chilly yet abandon streets of Woodlands, I glanced frantically on both of my unguarded sides. What fearful shapes and shadows beset my path, I thought, walking briskly. I’ll sincerely take my gratitude from the Halloween party that has made me felt inferior complex towards my surroundings. The party was phenomenal; people were dressed in their horrifying costumes; attempted to scare the shit out of others and some were dancing their night away. I could literally feel the aura of Halloween, what more with cheap, carved, plastic pumpkins around. Even if it was made out of an apple or whatnots, it still portrays a good ol’ Jack O' Lantern. It was just atmospheric.

I was making the aura up. In other dimensions, there was no horror at all. Period.

Too close for comfort.

2008-10-30T00:55:00.007+08:00

Surprisingly, I’ve been busy with work these common and ever-so stale days. What do I mean by work is; preparing for Halloween this Friday, an audition and never-ending lab reports and assignments. I’ve not been sleeping well lately but neither have I felt in discontentment nor in regret. This time round, I’m determining to accomplish these so-called objectives because it has been eras since I’ve satisfy myself with an appraisable achievement. Yes, pushing my comfort zone away. It’s seemed so superficial in a way but I’m trying my best not to be complacent. Because I might end up telling my friends how dumb I would feel.

So yesterday night, I taught my conspiracy partner, Peter Pan, Bahasa Indonesia because he took it as his elective in his school. In between the session, he claimed he wanted to 'hantam' and ‘rambut’ this particular person. The actual word is 'rembat' but he misspelled it as hair in Malay. It was hilarious.

While Syu & I were at Toysrus looking for Halloween props,
We asked,” Do you sell horns here?”
Staff whose name's Haiqal asked his colleague,” Eh, mana setan peh tanduk tu.”
And replied to us, ”Yes. Here.”
We uttered,” But we don’t want that.”
Haiqal in prior,” Don’t have. We only have this.”
Another staff fitted,” Buat sendiri uh.”

He suggested us to make our own horns.
Logic?
Haiqal apologized for his colleague’s inappropriate behavior.
And they laughed, hysterically.

Urban.

2008-10-27T19:05:00.011+08:00

A crazy night with Afam, Zu, Nana & date. (kept playing PSP) There is no inspiration today.

Thus, I will not be inspired today.

Just a series of uploads.

And a short, simple post.

Life is pain, life is only pain. We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings,

but there is only blackness;

dark depressing loneliness that eats away at your soul.

Danish Hafiz,
the mischievious little boy who loves to gets hold of cars.
He wants to be a Formula 1 racer when he grows up.
:)

All that I've got.

2008-10-26T13:55:00.005+08:00

I'm blessed to have girlfriends whom I can rely on.

Dearest Mizah,

Every single one of us knows that you don't deserve such an inhumanely treatment from that unworthy jerk. Even he knows too, surprisingly. I’m glad that you left him with your head held high. Nonetheless, Australia will be a perfect getaway to let go all the bitter people and memories that have been haunting you. Love you.

You won't pass - This is a Standoff.

2008-10-21T20:59:00.006+08:00

There's no correlation between comedy and pain.

Just no sense, just a crowd, just a million people wondering where's theirs.

The world won't leave you lying here adjusting to this game.

You just won't bother missing all those sleepless nights.

I'm suffering for you.

It's brought me nothing but lots of wasted memories.

I can't believe you're waiting just to get fucked up by fallacies.

Along with clusters of writing tests that you won't pass.

I won't accept these vicious tales.

I won't accept these lies.

Never time, never love pushed a yacht designed for shipwreck while in tow.

You said the world won't let you ridicule yourself against it's wane.

You just won't bother missing all those best forgone relationships won't you?

Errands.

2008-10-20T22:42:00.004+08:00

Awakened by Tedd's call and Syu's text message in the morning. I was extremely late for school. Mum benevolently drove me to school instead. But nonetheless, today was rather productive cause I independently ran some errands for myself after school. After departed with Nana in the train, I went to Marsiling to alter my dress then to Jurong East to meet Ely and he brought me to Acer. Did I mention that he owned the upmost typical Dickies backpack? Though I wasn't thrilled by the fact. Everyone has it! Ely sent me home after that. He has an excellant stamina and was uhmm, hyperactive that's why. Huahua.

I will not get my lappy back till next week. Pfft.

Curiosity kills you after all.

2008-10-19T14:53:00.008+08:00

I had an hour lesson on Friday. Although I was being psyched by Arfiz and Ely to skip it on the day before, I still decently attended it since I was invited to the Mcg’s open house and had intentions –where it was crushed by my complacency–of studying with Sheila. In return, I hung out with Nana for lunch, then with Sheila and her drama-mamas, followed by Syu and as she went off to work, with Nana and Malik. And there came Ein after a few hours. We’re practically wasting worthy hours slacking. As we stepped into the open house, we received sharp and hostile stares cause we were in casuals instead of in Malay traditional costumes. “What the fuck, we didn’t know that there was a fucking dress code.” But Zu dragged us in. For the sake of Zuuilicious, we did not ditch it. But oh well, I had fun. :)

Vacant.

2008-10-16T14:22:00.008+08:00

Tragically, I can associate myself with the raindrops pattering down the soft ground, as though the Earth is shedding precious tears. A lazy, chilly Thursday. It’s not a norm for me to be here; sitting outside the lecture theatre, having nothing else to do than listening to heartfelt songs and having a webcam session with Brann. I’m just so bored nowadays but yet I can’t be bothered with cheap thrills that usually excite me. Being in an emotional state right now, it’s inevitable to reminisce the happy days I used to have with you. I really despise this unwanted feeling and had tried to vanish it countless times but I’ve failed terribly. Instead, my unrest emotions had become more intense. There’s no remedy to make it disappear in a short period of time but one thing I can assure is that I’m definitely not insane, just in a melancholy state. I never want to admit before that I missed the regular webcam sessions; even though there's a barrier in the connection; weekly meetups and nonsensical chats with you. For one fact I know, all that has left are memories.

It will fade eventually.

What's been going on.

2008-10-15T00:31:00.010+08:00

Friday. I was in wedded bliss to see the bestfriend whom I’ve longed to meet. As usual, we chatted throughout the journey to Bugis. I’ve got to admit that Shahidah is the Queen of Bugis -she knows all the intricacy of cheap yet deceiving stuffs there. I must say that I’m not a fan of it and haven’t been stepping in there before Friday but I’ve learnt to shop smart. However, I still prefer Topshop. Heh. Then Syu tagged along after her work and we took photos.

Saturday. The initial plan was to meet Adam but I'd overslept till 5. Met Syu for shopping instead.

Sunday. Raya with Megakewlzxs. Jyeahhhhhh! (Our inside joke.) Hahaha. Mmkay. We visited to Zu’s, Afam’s then followed by Malik’s and Zat’s. Then to 2 of the Mcg’s houses and then to Nana’s and Ammar’s. Last was mine. Jyeahhh! And we saw Zu’s destiny in the Lrt station. Both were wearing the same colour which was baby blue. But the guy was errr, peculiar. His nose is somehow merely attached to his upper lip. He was utterly disgusting but he kinda looked scary somehow.

Behold,

the rappers.

Okay, bye!

2008-10-10T00:36:00.002+08:00

It is official. I am a discontent person right now. :(

But on the less depressing note, I had a great time with Shahidah today. :)

Define, Love.

2008-10-08T12:27:00.006+08:00

Love.
It is faith.
Is a feeling.
In every soul.
The connection.
Like a phone cord.
An unknown feeling.

That arose from kinship.
Expressed through affection.
Kisses, hugs, gifts, stanzas.

Passionate yet tender.
Care and concern.
Embrace the act,
Of sacrifice.
Is called,
Love.

♥,

Hidayah Goh.

Day 4.

2008-10-05T01:28:00.005+08:00

Cousins. Hafiz & Fatin Nabilah.
Candles!
Haikal & Shafiqah.
Kids.
I have faced life & death recently. Something personal. My family & I visited my late Javanese grandpa then to celebrate Hafiz's & Shafiqah's birthdays. Then to Ariff's. Coincidentally, his semi-detach is located just a few metres away from my cousin's. That's cool. So I could visit him without a hassle. He has a beautiful, contemporary home. We had a short catch-up session and he showed me around the estate.

To Ariff Rizwan,
you & Khairi have been great bestguyfriends to me. There was a time where we gave the cold shoulder towards each other. I remembered you shed a tear & sweared not to talk to me again because I was being a self-centred jerk. We kept silent for a year till we were paired together in class. We started to converse again. I recalled the times we mugged through the O levels till 2 in the morning. You have helped me a lot. And I won't throw this precious friendship again.

Let's get festive.

2008-10-04T00:52:00.009+08:00

Sisters.Calm & cosy. The current connection.

I trimmed my unsatisfied hair and returned my work uniform with Abu, Wan, Nana & Zu. Then we went to Wan's open house at Woodlands. Today is the day where silly things happened. Zu & Nana were caught of littering ciggarettes and for being underaged. The guys who caught them actually wanted their digits. Irresponsible NEAs. Secondly, we took a cab for only a few metres & it costed us 8 bucks for the sake of our poor feet. Third was, we took the cab again and we saw a retarded nigga in the bus, staring at us. He looked really really freaky. Thirdly, at the traffic light. Nana received a call and uttered,"Siapa ni?" Zu started to articulate hilarious stream of words that made me laughed like hell. Fourthly, while walking across the road of Somerset, a random man in a van exclaimed,"Nak naik!" Nana cursed him. It was just silly day.

Selamat Hari Raya.

2008-10-01T03:57:00.005+08:00

I'm practically painting my nails now at 357 in the morning. About the last 5 hours ago, which was my last day, work was rather busy throughout the hours. It was unpredictable. People came in & out of the boutique, browsing through the hangers; enquiring about dresses, tops eccetras. My supervisor left the shop in a state whereby Syu & I had to handle everything; constantly picking up calls, checking stocks, attending customers, greetings and fitting room service. And what worse was that Miss Selfridge did not have a cashier. So she had to go back & forth from Warehouse to Miss Selfridge. I swear she took her own sweet time. Though I'm oblivious to my surroundings, I'm still observant, somehow. Very paradoxical indeed. In the verge of desperation, she asked Syu to extend till closing. She was enraged. And the fact that she has to work on Hari Raya. Kau balik negeri kau sudah. Sial.

To all the Muslims,

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin. Enjoy yourselves after a month of "hunger strike" alright. :)

Confessions.

2008-09-30T01:44:00.007+08:00

My last day with Yanie Adilia! & my irritating supervisor. Yesterday, I met up with Abu & Wan after work to get myself a new pair of heels for Hari Raya. Since Zu & Nana were late, Abu, Wan & I booked a place at Zam Zam’s first. We break fasted murtabak. After filling up our empty stomachs, we hasted down to Bugis Junction to find my heels at Charles & Keith. It was a quickie. Surprisingly, I’m not as fickle-minded as before. But still, I am. Zu & I eventually got a pair of really goddamn high heels each. I even asked Wan to stand beside me just to compare our height. Huahuahua. And it’s time to sheesha, again. It was Nana’s treat. Oh yea, she pierced her tongue & nose. I love my Megakewlzxsz! We ordered banana & grape flavours but unfortunately, the banana had an awful taste. But nonetheless, I had a fantabulous time with every single one of them. :D

Favourite girls.

Wan "dino" & Abu "Ash" Zarrin. Show the tongue, Nana!

One of the topic we've opened,

Ego wrecks every soul in too deep.
It is just negativity,
That frankly rips.

Photography.

2008-09-27T03:02:00.001+08:00

The night life in Arab Street.

Photo by Hidayah Goh.

Last Thursday.

2008-09-27T02:06:00.012+08:00

I met up with Wan after work to trim/dye/treatment my lifeless hair. He waited outside Warehouse for me. And he treated me Old Chang Kee, Mee Rebus and a bottle of peach tea for break fast. How nice of you! Then we met up with Syu at City hall’s platform and headed to Bugis to have dinner and sheesha. (Pretty Indian loner. Hahaha.) Met Wan’s Rp friends. We wanted to sheesha at El-Sheik initially, but due to the hostile management there, we went to Amirah’s Grill instead. Oh yea. It was a so-called Abu’s birthday celebration. I shall not elaborate much. Let the pictures do the story-telling.

Wan & I. Wan & I, again. ^^V Us, girls.
Priceless expression!Yan & Wan's friend doing a dancing dare. We got our butts up around 12 midnight I think. Hence, we missed the last train back to Jurong East via Woodlands. We decided to take a bus to Ang Mo Kio's bus interchange as a contigency plan. We had no choice though. Then we took a cab home. The midnight charge did not help us a bit. But the guys forked out the cab fare. They insisted. Wan was really concerned about Syu & I. He even offered to send us home. Heh.

I'm goddamn tired. Gahhh.

(I'm jealous of Tedd because he got to watch the F1 event and I have to work my ass off on that 3 consecutive days.)

Charm.

2008-09-22T02:30:00.004+08:00

Look through the peephole,
To capture the alluring natures of Earth.
Where I’m lost in the cold,
To search for an impressive picture,
But to no avail.

I rubbed my blurred vision,
A charm that overlays the background,
Up close and personal.
A new inspiration was found.

The monochrome is filled with colours.
The sullen is replaced with elation.
The wilted flowers blossomed.
And a smile carved over the frown.

The charm passes through stealthily.
It gave me spirit,
To be free.

I'm officially dead beat.

2008-09-21T23:31:00.017+08:00

We were noticed by some nocturnal sampah masyarakats! Haha! Geylang. Mixed heritage partner.

I've not been updating much lately due to fatigueness. Gahhh. I went to Geylang last Thursday night after work. Met the icings on the cake; Ariff, Riri, Marsh, Syu, Zu and Nat. ^^V Earlier on that day, I argued with my irritating supervisor. Cause I was 12 freaking minutes late and it was a big deal for her. Cause of that, I had to leave half an hour later. I was utterly pissed off. But God had mercy on me. I had an off on Friday. Just what I needed after a long and tensed day. My mum and I fetched my dad at airport. It's been a month since I've seen him. I was glad that he could spend at least the first day of Hari Raya with us. He has to fly again on the 6th though. I'm gonna meet up with my childhood bestfriend tomorrow for shopping! Can't wait! But the allowance my mum gave me to splurge isn't enough cause I've used 1/4 of it on food and transport. Pfft.

Anyways,

Hidayah Goh. says: omg gay!

e i n ™ says: i told you so.

e i n ™ says: im gay

Hidayah Goh. says: okay gonna blog about you.

Hidayah Goh. says: gayboy.

e i n ™ says: omg,i dont mind.i will get more peminats anyway

Ein, I wanted to upload your photo here but I guess the conversation is already enough. Haha.

My horoscope for today; You've learned lessons. Today, a blast from the past will remind you what they were.

Tragically true? Kinda.

Hope that keeps me alive.

2008-09-19T02:42:00.005+08:00

It questioned me, why do we even have dinner together before when you are silent now? You neither left with words nor alphabets, ironically, but yet you gave me signs. It is all crystal clear. I have already put you off. That is it. As extremely heart-wrentching as it seems, I am still hanging on. I'll take my gratitude on that.

Like Shahidah quoted,
Those good things bring all the negativities yet accompanied with all the positives in the world, and is this thought that everything happens for a reason is where personally, so it seems, everything's gonna eventually be sunshines, you are above everyone else, if we all deserve happiness, you should too.

A seemingly paradoxical statement that nonetheless be true.

Brain-cracking games.

2008-09-17T23:08:00.005+08:00

Read Ted's blog. He has a massive girlfriend.
Brain-cracking games.

Is there a ray of hope in this fine crack line?
Is there a stray of light peeping through the four, thick, conjoined walls?
Is there a way to range over the unique Earth with your eyes closed?
Is there a way to contemplate the stars in the sky without a telescope?
Am I spending the sole splendour of my life searching?

Take a step forward and sit on the fence?
Or otherwise and get yourself drenched?

Keeping silent will entangle you within.
Seeking factual answers,
will clear your doubts swipe clean.

Bear the truth, it cuts.

Yes, hush now.

It's all parts and parcel of life.

(I'm still questioning myself the reality.)